Keep the focus on YOU - LOSE WEIGHT, LOSE STRESS!

There is a common correlation between interpersonal issues and problematic eating and in fact, most problematic eating comes from interpersonal issues. When you are focused on pleasing others constantly and doing for others, caring for others and worrying about others before yourself eventually there will be repercussions. The body and mind will begin to look for self nurturance from somewhere if it is not coming from the source. When you are constantly giving your energy at attention outside of yourself, your deepest self will begin to act out. IN OTHER WORDS, IF YOU WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT, AND KEEP IT OFF- KEEP THE FOCUS ON YOURSELF.

Look at your present relationships in your life. Answer the following questions for each important relationship:

1. Is the relationship balanced ( between give and take)?

2. Is the person able to communicate and listen to you?

3. Can you be open and honest with this person?

4. Do you have appropriate boundaries with this person?

5. How do you feel after spending time with this person?

6. Do you look forward to seeing/talking to this person?

7.Can you be yourself with this person?

If you find that your answer to most of these question is "no", you are probably suffering from a  codependent relationship that is unbalanced in some way. You may in fact find that many of your relationships are this way! This does not mean that you are a flawed person. It means that you are spending a lot of energy on other people and very little on yourself.

If it seems that a lot of your friendships are based on co-dependent rescuing behaviours, rather than a balance of give and take within the relationship, it may be time to step back and re-examine the relationship. Learning tools to avoid the codependent trap will inevitably lead to a deeper level of self care, and permanent weight loss! If you are eating because of your codependent relationships, you must begin to examine your role with others and let go of what is not serving your highest good.

People pleasing is very common amongst women in this society and is looked upon as something honourable but the truth is that pleasing others in order to gain some sort of self praise becomes toxic as the individual is constantly looking outside for validation. It often includes overworking, trying to predict and meet the needs of others, always putting others needs before one's own, being an unassertive, and avoiding conflict.

Care-taking is not a selfless act... In other words, while it can feel as though putting another's need before our own, or spending our energy on making other people happy is quite virtuous, it is in fact quite as toxic as addiction as any other. Many turn to food when they are caught in the throes of compulsive care taking because it is an immediate relief, quick fix to quiet the lack of self nurturance. Eating compulsively can be disguised as nurturance and the only way to unravel this story is to let go of taking care of everyone else and begin to maintain focus on oneself.

This form of comfort eating helps soothe the distress temporarily but as a pattern that is very difficult to shift if it is not addressed.

Creating boundaries with others is an important step in developing healthy relationships. If you are in the codependent trap, you will feel like you NEVER have time for you..are there any people in your life with whom you need to set boundaries?

Boundaries are are necessary if you want to take back your own life and begin to let go of the "hook" in others. If you have in the past interceded in the lives of others by constantly worrying, pleasing, covering up, helping out, and making decisions for them, this will be a process that will radically change your life and your relationship with food.

As Melody Beattie explains, the absence of personal boundaries can be confused with love and caring but it is often characterized with obsession, whereby the potential actions of the other our sole focus.

"This is not love. The motivation is fear rather than love when we cease to live our own lives because we are so preoccupied with the lives of others. It is self-destructive and therefore it creates self-destructive behaviors internally on ourselves. Many people who use food compulsively are not aware of the connection this may have with an internal, healthy sense of self care, appropriate boundaries and and ability to be fully themselves. When the internal self-care tank is never replenished and all of your energy is going towards others, self-destructive behaviours start to happen as a form of resistance to the lack of compassion to self. "

There is a reason why it is always recommended that an individual but on his/her own oxygen mask before trying to help another person in an emergency situation. We cannot give unless we are full, we cannot help others unless we help ourselves first.

HOW TO HEAL CODEPENDENCY AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD

 Abundant Self-Care- here you make a decision to make personal self-care a priority in your life. Possibly in the past this was neglected because you are so concerned with another person's well-being or were waiting for someone else to take care of you. From now on, begin to put the focus on yourself first, but even if the needs of others sometimes have to wait.

What would you do for someone you love?

Have you had the experience of eating poorly and quickly went alone but creating lavish meals when you're cooking for another?

What kind of treatment does your closest friend deserve?

Write a self-care statement to yourself below. What are you committing to daily? Keep it simple to start so that you can commit to it. Is there something you can do on a weekly basis? Find someone to share this with and to keep you accountable.

In our 12 week program, starting August 11th, we dive deeply into codependency and food and begin to  shift relationships that are out of balance and affecting your health!

For more information, visit us here!:  CLICK TO LEARN MORE HERE!

I look forward to your comments below !

 

Wellnessfranki durbin